Relay for Life

Last night was the University of Minnesota's Relay for Life, a fundraising event for the American Cancer Society. SANE got a team together and I participated. The whole point is to have a member of your team walking around the track at all times (the event took place in the field house) for 12 hours. That's a long time.
At any rate, these events tend to be a bit hard for me to get through and I've been thinking about my grandma a lot. She died of breast cancer when I was eight. Seeing the survivors walk the first lap was difficult because I wish that my grandma could have been walking with them. I pictured her trailing behind with a smile on her face. This whole idea of people surviving cancer is amazing to me. Growing up, I didn't really understand what was wrong with my grandma, just that she was sick and had something called cancer. For the longest time, I think until just last year, I didn't think of cancer as anything you could survive. Once you had it, that was the end and it was going to be horrible.
My greatest regret is that I didn't get to know my grandma that well. I was young, when we'd go to Indiana she would always have sacks of goodies for us. I remember her being a good person, always thinking of others. One time when she was in Minnesota, she noticed that I had two very nice combs, and my mom had one come which was missing a lot of teeth. She taught me to share and not be selfish with my things, and encouraged me to give one of my nice combs to my mom. I don't have many memories of my grandma, and the ones I do have are fading. I never really understood why my grandma wore wigs, but I remember them on little stands in her bedroom. One time she took her wig off for me to show me her hair that was growing back. There was just a little bit, and it was as soft as baby's hair. I couldn't understand why she didn't have hair, and I didn't know the significance of it growing back.
I wish I knew her better. I wish I knew all of my family better, we seem to take each other for granted at times. And so with Uncle Ron's death this morning, I really wish I could have gotten to know him better. He was so funny and full of life. But that's all I really know, and I wish I knew more. I'm mostly sad about the things I missed out on in life.
At times I feel like I don't value the relationships I do have with people. It has been very easy for me to write off people in my life. Though now I do really enjoy the people I have become friends with, they are much more caring, intelligent, and interesting people than who I hung out with in high school. I don't want to lose the people I have become close with, and I don't want to lose the family that I have before I get to know them better. Sometimes I wish I was a better communicator and not so awkward so that this would be easier.